Before I talk about the subject in the header I want to talk about why I am creating this blog. It's simply because I've heard that it's healthy to journal about things in your life, and I've been wanting to make some lifestyle changes. I started this website as both a milestone and a promise for further self improvement. This blog is basically a kind of next step in that journey. I'm not sure yet whether this will be a daily thing, but I definitely want to add an entry weekly. Whether it's about something big I'm struggling with or simply something I found interesting.

Now about today's topic, addiction. When I talk about addiction, I'm not referring to how it's talked about normally. Typically when someone goes on about their struggles with addiction, it's in the context of drugs, alcohol, gambling, and/or sex. I'm very lucky in the sense that I haven't yet had to deal with any of these. I was raised by my family to treat alcohol as a delightful poison, so I've never had a desire to drink more than I can handle. I have shit luck, so I've never gotten that big first payout from gambling. I'm also just straight up not the kinda person to get addicted to unloving sex. However, what does scare me is drug use. I have no desire to use drugs, but I'm extremely afraid of them. This is because of my entertainment addiction.

I'm not sure exactly what to call it because "entertainment addiction" feels like a misnomer. I've mainly heard it referred to as a tech addiction, but I don't like that title because I feel the kings of old could have had the same problem. Though it's definitely due to the rise in tech that almost anyone is susceptible to entertainment addiction. I will define what I mean by entertainment addiction soon, but first I want to describe my experience with it.

I'm nowhere near the level of a scholar on the subject, but I'm at least aware of how generation alpha is being generalized online. Extremely short attention spans, can't get off their iPad, and almost completely devoid of empathy for their guardians, teachers, and other adults. This is of course a rash generalization, but there are definitely some kids that have this problem. Why do I know this for sure? Well because I was one of these kids. My parents were very busy and stressed when I was born, and they found that when I was handed an iPad I would turn completely docile and silent unlike how I was without it. The iPad was this great pacifier where I as a young child could do anything or watch anything I desired. I became a master at navigating the youtube recommended page well before I learned how to read, and when I did learn how to read, I became even more immersed in this completely digital world. It was everything to me, I mean, it had anything I ever wanted to do.

So of course when my parents tried to take it away as punishment, I threw one of those huge tantrums that are now commonly associated with generation alpha. I mean this was my whole world that they took away. Without this technology, there was only a school I hated, extracurricular classes I hated, and family that were often too busy to do anything with. Imagine giving someone all the known knowledge of the universe, letting them enjoy some of the tidbits, and then taking it away from them. Not that I shouldn't have been punished for acting like an asshole, but I want it to be understood why I was so distraught. It's as if Prometheus took back humanity's fire.

It's been many years since I was a little shit, but my experience with online entertainment is still rather similar. As I've aged, I've developed a lot more discipline, mostly due to developing better relationships with friends and family and developing actual real life goals I want to pursue. However, I can't deny that the first thing I want to do when I wake up each morning is immediately look at my youtube recommended feed. Through introspection, I've found that the reason I do this is probably due to my inherent nature of wanting to maximize my enjoyment. I feel I can't for any moment be bored, because then I'd be wasting a moment where I could be more happy than I currently am.

I feel this almost all the time. Eating lunch? Might as well watch some TV or anime. Doing homework? Well I should second screen a video essay to keep the negative thoughts at bay. Playing an intensive video game? But that requires so much work! Why not just watch a comedy routine where they make all the fun for you! The urge only gets stronger the more effort something requires. Which is one of the reasons why I've been slow on progress with this website.

Granted, the reason I'm most often not working on this website is that I'm procrastinating on school work (the classes this semester have been sooo annoying). Though this doesn't excuse the fact that in most cases, I would much rather consume media than actively do something for myself. The media being produced is also just so much more palatable these days. I mean when I was a little iPad addicted shit, I would often watch playthroughs of video games where they barely cut out any of the gameplay. This meant it was easy to pick up a game because all you're losing by not watching the youtube series is the commentary. Now though, there are video essays that cover entire video game mythoi within hours. Within a decade, the opportunity cost of consumption per minute in picking playing a game over watching its video essay became so much larger.

Put somewhat simply, if media consumption in the past was a long night of dining out, media consumption is now the equivalent of ordering a Big Mac (if that made any sense).

This is all what I mean when I say I have a problem with entertainment addiction. Everyday, at almost every moment, I crave the hit of eating that Big Mac (I don't know why I used Big Macs as a metaphor I don't really like them that much). I've slowly been finding ways to deal with this addiction, though the process is eternally slow. One extremely hard part of this process is unlike all the addictions I described before, I will never stop consuming online media. There's no good reason to. Despite all the problems it has caused me, I still ultimately get most of my information, entertainment, and communications from online sources. This is why my goal is ultimately just to reduce my amount of media consumption, which is not an easy task.

I have found that the more I value my real life goals, the more I stray away from entertainment addiction. This is part of the reason why I started this website. However, as the job market, economy, and political environment continue to do whatever the fuck they are doing right now, it gets harder for me to stay positive about my goals for the future. Though I must say, out of everything, my girlfriend's existence has been the biggest help in getting me to value my real life goals. In the end I guess a big part of the solution for all addictions is developing healthy relationships.

Well that's the end of my rant for today. Jesus christ I had a lot to say. I did not expect that to take almost two hours. Well anyways don't expect future entries to be this long, but I should hopefully be somewhat frequent. :3